My Version of a Rain Dance

We need rain, and I am worried that we are in the beginning of a drought. Why, you ask? Well last weekend I saw a turtle crossing the road, the cows were bunched up in the corner of the pasture and my daughter had a softball tournament and it didn’t rain. Each of those signs usually mean rain and all together they should add up to a gully washer, and we got nothing.

Things are starting to get desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures. We need some rain and we need it now. But never fear, I have a plan to make it rain. However, I am going to need your help in making the precipitation come our way.

First of all, I want everyone to go out and wash your car(s) and let’s not just stop with washing them, let’s give them a wax job too. Then come home and leave the windows down, all the windows. If you own a pick-up make sure and leave either feed or seed in the back.

Leave all the windows in your house open. Better yet, make sure you leave them open and something that you cannot get wet next to them. Shampoo the carpets and mop the linoleum. Next, wash every bit of clothes you can and hang it all out on the clothes line to dry. Then we all need to leave for the day with no way to get home in a hurry.

Mow all the hay you can down, more than you possibly could bale in one day. Make sure you fix every flood gap you own or rent. Schedule the custom cutter to start on your wheat and plan to move cattle or gather them on the worst mud road you know of. The day before drive every piece of machinery you own and leave it out in the field, or at very least pull it out of the shed and leave it sitting outside.

For good measure schedule several outdoor weddings, ball tournaments and a couple of track meets on the same day. All of these events need to have no back-up plans, non-refundable deposits and no rain dates. Be sure to pre-order the food and set up the day before, for good measure.

Will this work? You know what they say about the success of a rain dance. It is all dependant on timing. Dad is always reminding me that you plant your crops and hope for the best. There are many things you can’t control in agriculture and the weather is number 1 on that list. But that does not stop any of us from worrying about it.

I know this will be hard to coordinate, but I also know that all farmers and rancher religiously watch the weather. In fact, I make it a point to watch two different weather forecasts on TV, listen to one on the radio and check three different sites on the internet and average the information. This gives me the right forecast about 10% of the time. Just last week, I drained the battery on my phone watching the rain miss us on the radar.

I also know that very soon we will be complaining about the rain. Mud will be everywhere and we will not be able to get anything done (I can’t wait). The flood gaps will be placed and replaced twice each week and the hay will get moldy. We farmers and ranchers are fickle people who are hard to please. We seem to always be complaining about too much or too little rain.

However, right now we are complaining about too little rain and, honestly, things are getting desperate. But if you follow my lead it will start raining. After all, I have an ace up my sleeve. What is it? Well, I write these columns a week ahead, so I figure by the time you read this we will all have had 3 or 4 inches of rain. If not, maybe we need to buy some camels and plant some cactus.