My Bad Skills and Other Things I Didn't Learn

Over the years I have attended many leadership classes and read copious amounts of self-help articles and books. Many of these focus on one’s self esteem. Often when they talk about self-esteem they say to focus on things you are good at. Being humble myself, I decided to poll my family to find out just what I am good at. It appears everyone has hidden talents, things that they are just naturally good at. Here are the things I am good at as identified by my family.

First, it appears I am good at tying bad knots, this is nothing new, it is a talent that I perfected back when I was in 4-H. This allows the cattle, sheep or horses to better utilize the grass in the yard and various other places that don’t get grazed very often. After all, anyone can tie a good knot (including many young children as my wife often points out) but only a truly “special” person cannot grasp the simple art of knot tying after forty plus years of practice.

I am spectacularly bad at measuring things. If it were not for his Grandfather, Isaac would never have gotten better than a white, sympathy ribbon at the county fair on his woodworking. Which, by the way, is the ribbon I most often got in my woodworking career. The adage, measure twice, cut once may be good for most but I could measure ten times and still cut three or four times. Something changes between when I measure, mark and cut anything. I can safely say that everything I have ever built was unique in its measurements.

My forecasting and predicting skills are uncanny. Whether it is the markets, weather or who is going to win the world series, I have the amazing ability to be completely wrong. If you want a sure bet, pick the other side. Of course, when I do that, my prediction is right. If I mow hay thinking it won’t rain it does, if I sell grain thinking the market won’t go higher it takes off to new highs and if I think my favorite sports team will do well, they are doomed. My ability to be wrong is second to none.

Another one of my hidden talents is to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If we are working cattle I am never where I need to be. When I go to the grocery store and I have the choice between two lines, I will pick the slower line in every case. Even if there are ten people in one line and two in the other, the line I wait in will take forever. If I have can take two different routes to the same destination, I will always find the one with road construction.

The talent of being in the wrong place seems to go right along with my talent for being late. No matter how early I leave or when I start to get ready, I am always in a time crunch. It must be my unerring sense of timing, which is also a talent of mine, but I can leave two hours early and due to things like mechanical issues, bad planning or other unforeseen circumstances I will be fifteen minutes late. My being late talent borders on a superpower.

Those talents were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to things my family identified as what I am good at. Some were simple things like not being able to drive a nail straight or always leaving a gate unlatched. Then there were the simple, fundamental things I was good at. Things like forgetting to change the setting on the washer, not mailing things left on the counter and not checking my phone for messages.

Come to think of it I am darned talented when it comes to forgetting too. I forget things daily like turning the water off when filling tanks and forgetting things on an annually like my anniversary. Anyone can forget they had water on, but it takes a “special” talent to forget which day you got married.

My family also says I am good at being grumpy. But then again, they say I ought to be because I practice it daily. I am not sure this is my talent completely, after all, they are talented when it comes to making me grumpy. Which prompted them to tell me that I am also very good at making up lame excuses.

Apparently, my talent is unlimited. Especially when it comes to being bad at something. I am a master of disaster but at least I have my family to keep me grounded. My theory is if you are going to do something be the best at it. Only my exceptional ability to be delusional keeps my self-esteem at a high level and I must find something to take solace in. I am living, breathing proof that some of us are put on earth for no other reason than to serve as a bad example to others and that is my most “special” talent.