Anniversary Fail

To say that I have never been the romantic type is probably an understatement. I freely admit that gift giving is something that doesn’t come very easy to me and thank goodness that Jennifer is willing to overlook this minor defect in my personality. To be honest I probably used up all my romantic ideas in the first month or so of our courtship. After all I am the guy who sent her balloons and red hots for our first Valentine’s Day. I told you I was bad at the whole romantic notions’ thing.

However, this year I out did myself when it came to our anniversary. I knew it was November, I just didn’t think it was the middle of November yet. In my defense with the late harvest I have been more distracted and absent minded than usual (and that is saying something). That is why I was shocked when our daughter reminded me on Saturday that our anniversary was on Sunday.

What was I going to do? At this point I couldn’t get away to get a present or even a card, I was caught. The only thing left to do was to just man up and admit my failure. A friend once told me that the secret to a happy marriage was the phrase, “I am a man; therefore, I am wrong, and I am sorry.’ Never were more true words spoken and never have they been put to the test like they were for my anniversary.

I guess I failed to mention that not only had I not done anything for our anniversary, but I had made plans to wean calves and vaccinate them (after going to church that morning, of course). I had the help all lined up, there was no going back on it. That meant going out for dinner was out of the question and it was on Sunday so having flowers sent to her work was also not going to happen. Things were looking bad for the home team.

Sunday morning came, and Tatum wished us a Happy Anniversary and asked Jennifer what I got her. Jennifer thought about it for a minute and pointed at the three new, shiny, red feed bunks in the yard and said, “I guess that is what I am getting this year.” She went on to explain that with all the craziness of this fall and things being backed up that she had not gotten me anything for our anniversary either.

Its funny how often I am reminded of how lucky I am to have a wife that tolerates all my shortcomings and accepts me for who I am. I am sure that working calves and getting feed bunks were quite a way down her anniversary wish list, but she went about the day like that was exactly what she wanted and where she wanted to be. I guess the easy answer is that the life of a farm or ranch couple is like that, no matter what the calendar says, work must come first.

Maybe the fact that I realized and worried about my lack of anything special for our anniversary was enough. I guess over the past twenty plus years, Jennifer has learned that it is the thought that counts. I don’t profess to be an expert on anyone else’s marriage and I would be a terrible counselor, but I do think that I have learned a little bit. Gifts and nights out on the town are important but its not what makes a marriage strong.

Working side by side to build something, making a life together and sharing in the ups and downs are what makes our marriage work. I know I frustrate Jennifer to no end and the disappointments are many, but she takes it all in stride and for that I am the one who is blessed. While she deserves so much better than feed bunks and a date working calves, I am not sure she would have it any other way.

I intend to make it all up, when and if this harvest ever gets done and we finally get all the cows out on stalks. In the end, it probably ended up being one of the best anniversaries we have had. The weather was great, the cattle working went smooth and both kids were home to help. To top it off the feed bunks worked magnificently, and the calves loved them. Most importantly I was reminded of how lucky I am.

As a side not, whether I out did myself, however, is up for debate. I have gone on from the balloon and red-hot debacle to achieve some awesome failures when it comes to holidays and romantic moments. Feed bunks for an anniversary present is a doozy, except there was the Mother’s Day that we sheared sheep. That one is hard to top.

Happy Anniversary

This is a monumental week at our house. Yes, basketball practice starts but that is not it. We should have everything buttoned down and in place for the winter and while that makes me happy that is not it either. This week, Wednesday to be exact, Jennifer and I celebrate twenty years of wedded bliss. OK, so it has been twenty years of wedded bliss farmer style.

The very day of our anniversary is probably a shining example of what is like to be married to me. The morning will be a rush to get chores done before she goes off to work and I take off for the Governor’s Water Conference. I will try to check in that night as I rush on to Session meeting at our church leaving Jennifer in charge of chores for the night. We farmers are incredible romantics.

However, it is not much different than what she has come to expect over the past two decades. Quiet nights at home are often interrupted by a crisis of some sort.  A tough day at work, yes, the very same work that most farm wives must go to. It is mandated that we have health insurance. As I was saying a tough day at work when all she can think of doing is falling back into her chair and relaxing. Only to have me meet her at her car and ask her to help me get the cows back in.

Then there are those mornings during lambing season when the alarm goes off extra early so we can go out and check ewes before she spends eight hours at her other fulltime job. Luckily there are weekends. Yeah right, weekends when you are married to a farmer are far from relaxing.  Chores and projects are never ending around the farm and farmer husbands are always needy when it comes to weekends.

At least she gets vacation days at work. Workers are given vacation days as a time to recharge and get away; that is unless you are married to a farmer.  Then your leave time is spent working calves, hauling cows to pasture and building fence. If you do get away there will be many farm related stops thrown in.

The most difficult part of being a farm wife is knowing that the farm comes first. Everything must wait until the end of the year. Whether or not the kitchen gets remodeled or the car gets traded off is at the whimsy of the weather and the markets. We all know that good years are few and far between. It is not fair, but that is the way farming is. Too often she has heard, “well maybe next year will be better and we can do…..”

There are long hours during lambing, calving, planting, haying and harvest. Often I am out the door early and back late. Projects that need to be done are often tagged with “I will do it on the next rainy day.” It is really funny how often we are in a prolonged drought. At least that is what one would think if those projects were really waiting on the next rainy day.

I am not sure if this is what Jennifer signed up for twenty years ago. I do know that she has went back and looked at the fine print of our wedding vows and found out that picking up rocks was not part of the deal. She also often wonders out loud when the richer part is going to get here too. Lord knows the better and worse parts of those vows have cycled through. Farming is all about the highs and lows.

I think she might be able to get me for false advertisement. I am sure I might have oversold the whole farming is a wonderful lifestyle thing during our courtship. I know this because the subject has been brought up from time to time. Like all farm wives I know Jennifer deserves more and better and I am certain there is a special place in heaven reserved just for farm wives.

To be honest I am not sure why she has put up with me or the farm for the past twenty years. I am not sure which is more frustrating (I think I know but I am afraid to ask; only one of us has increased in value). All I know is that I feel incredibly blessed to have spent the twenty years with her and I cannot imagine this crazy life without her.  I am not sure what the next twenty will bring (I am sure they will be better) but I know they won’t be dull.

Anniversary

Today is my wedding anniversary. How did we celebrate? Well actually we started out by doing chores this morning and ended by doing chores tonight. So goes the anniversary of most farm or ranch wives. My wife is a saint and I feel very blessed that she picked me.

Farm and ranch wives are partners in the operation in the truest sense of the word. Jennifer is out with me everyday, knee deep in the mud, choking in the dust and working long-hard hours. She has a degree in animal science and is integral in any decision we make. She is my partner in every way.

Being a farm or ranch wife also means sacrificing and many times doing without. I am sure there are many things Jennifer would like to have, but she understands the economics of agriculture and somehow makes due with what we have. She deserves much more than she has but understands the dedication it takes to survive in agriculture.

Each year I count this day as the anniversary of the best day of my life. This is the day I married my best friend, my biggest supporter and my partner. Like most men in agriculture, I am pretty sure I am not very good at expressing that to her and I could not do this on my own. Beside every man in agriculture is a woman who supports, guides and loves them and I am no different.