Transistions In Life

Its amazing how time marches on and I often wonder why instead of a slow steady march, time seems to have decided to pick it up to double time. It seems as though we just started April and it is already May. Part of this might be because we were stuck in February or March for the past three months. In any case we are into May and I am not at all ready. Time, however, does not seem to care about my feelings and is moving on at a rapid pace.

Because of the rotten weather I am so far behind on my farm work that I might not ever catch up. The corn should be in the ground., fences should be fixed, and the pastures should eagerly be waiting on the cows. None of that is anywhere near done. I had my time completely scheduled and I don’t have time or room in that schedule for changes. It is like time does not know this is Tatum’s senior year.

Ah yes, Tatum’s senior year. Another example of how time does not work on my schedule. My kids should not be old enough to be in college, I wasn’t done enjoying their time in sports, 4-H and FFA, again it seems like my schedule and my sense of time were not consulted. At very least we should not be looking at the last couple of weeks of Tatum’s high school career. This is all going by way too fast, I just wish I could stick a foot out and slow the merry-go-round of life down just a little bit.

It’s funny how our perspective on life changes as time goes by. I remember Isaac’s senior year and I don’t remember being quite this melancholy and I feel bad about that. I guess it was because I knew I still had a kid in high school and all the last moments were not the total last moments. Down deep inside I knew that I still had a couple of years of transition left. Then I blinked and all the sudden we are looking at the last few moments as parents of a high school student.

I guess life is about transition. I barely remember the transition of graduating high school and becoming a college student. Then graduating college and moving out into the real world. The next big transition was from being single to married. Along came kids and another transition, then the kids were in school and now we are staring at the transition to being empty nesters. During each of these monumental life changes I promised myself to enjoy the moment and the transition, so I could remember what that point in my life felt like.

I must admit that I am a pretty conflicted person right now. The farmer in me is screaming that I have no time for anything but trying to catch up with the never-ending list of what needs to be done. Crops must be planted, cows must go to pasture and the sheep need to be worked. Those tasks can’t be ignored and really shouldn’t be put off. I need to keep my nose to the grindstone and stay home.

Then the Dad part kicks in. Last night we attended Tatum’s last District FFA Banquet and watched her retire as a District FFA officer. I rode with her on the way home and she mentioned to me that the only current leadership position she held was student body president and that election was next week. Only a handful of softball games, a couple of state FFA contests, a few spring livestock shows, and graduation remained on the calendar. Suddenly the pull of work did not seem so important.

I look at my calendar and I realize that the final home stretch of high school is right here. Sure, it has been a long, tiring race but who wants to walk across the line? A couple of weeks and it will all be over. I want to go to each event, savor the moment and enjoy the last couple of hours of being the parent of a high school student. I know the work I need to get done is important, but I am also just as sure that it will get done in time and, God willing, I will have plenty more crops to plant and springs to get cows worked and out to grass.

Right now, it seems like it is more important to be there for all the last times and soak up all the memories. I don’t want to look back in a couple of months and wish I had not missed those moments. That is the struggle. After all, I keep telling myself, there will be plenty of time to rest next year when we transition into empty nesters. Right?

 

Ike's Graduation and My Thoughts

This week is a momentous period at our house, this is graduation week. I know this has been eighteen years in the making but it sure seems to have slipped up on me without any warning. I have told new parents to enjoy each moment because, at some point, you will blink and be staring at the realization that soon you will be empty nesters. It seems impossible to me that Jennifer and I have navigated the first eighteen years with Ike and soon will be sending him off to college as an adult.

Is he ready for college, I am pretty sure he would tell you he is. Are we ready to send him off into the world? Yes, and some days even more than ready, but it is the hardest transition yet. As much as you want them to go out and experience life, as a parent, you still want to protect them from the mistakes, experiences and disappointments that come with life. I have tried to pass some of the wisdom I have gleaned since high school to Ike, but I realize he is probably five to ten years away from appreciating it.

First, enjoy college; it will be some of the best years of your life. You are an adult with all of the privileges and responsibilities it brings. But don’t enjoy it too much. Treat college as a job, be dedicated to your studies and go the extra mile. It may seem like a lot of work now but it will pay off big later on. Any head start you generate now will carry through for the rest of your life. Don’t forget to enjoy the social life, but don’t lose sight of why you are in college. Here is the real secret to college. It is more about the process than about what you learn.

Work toward a career that is a passion rather than an occupation. Enjoying what you do is more important than money. Another secret in life is that if you are passionate about what you are doing, more than likely, you are pretty good at it and success will come. Which brings up another point, patience is a learned skill and not something most people are born with. Stick to what you believe, work toward a goal and don’t give up because success is not happening fast enough.

Learn to sacrifice. I truly believe a lot of my mistakes in life and a lot of the mistakes my generation are making are because we expect everything instantly and we do not want to wait, sacrifice and earn success. The idea of instant gratification is a lot of what is wrong with society today. Something that is earned through dedication and sacrifice is much better than something bought with credit before it is earned (I am not just talking about money and stuff either).

Treat those around you with respect, dignity, kindness and humility, even if you don’t think they deserve it. The old adage of treat others like you would like them to treat you is one of the best rules to live by. Go the extra mile even if that means the respect and kindness are not returned. Remember that life is a team effort and appreciate those around you. Life is really about the relationships you forge with the people around you.

Most importantly, enjoy life; don’t be in a rush to see what is next. Each segment of time, each chapter of life is the best. Don’t spend all of your life looking back at the past chapter and dwell on what you wish you would have done or what changes you would make. It is over, learn from your mistakes, cherish the memories and live life right now. Also don’t spend all of your time waiting and wishing for what will come next. Plan and prepare to be successful but live the life that is right now. Don’t let opportunities pass by and take time to truly enjoy the people and experiences. This will be the only chance you get at it, live life.

OK, I will quit for now before I get too clichéd or sappy. I know nothing we have ever done in life will prepare us and especially Ike for the upcoming week. I am looking forward to it, all be it with a little apprehension. In the end, we will go through this transition, ready or not so we might as well enjoy the ride. I am proud of the young adult Ike has become, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds. However, I will heed my own advice and enjoy this graduation week to the fullest.

My Graduation Advice

This past weekend was graduation weekend and we attended a couple of our local school’s ceremonies. Commencement always makes me nostalgic and this year was even more so. Maybe it is the fact that I am coming to grips with the idea of being middle aged or it is more likely due to the imminent possibility that I will have a graduating senior next year. In any case, I found myself lost in thoughts about life and what I have learned in the last twenty some years.

One of the things that go along with being an Extension Agent and working with the 4-H program for many years was attending all those graduations. While I was often sad about losing my best leaders I was also excited to see what my 4-Hers would go on to accomplish. I started thinking about what I wish someone would have told me at graduation. I admit that I would love to have the opportunity to speak at a graduation and I would love to impart advice to graduates. 

The first thing I would tell any graduate (or anyone for that matter) is to set your sights high and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. OK so maybe professional sports are out of the reach for most of us at an early age, but pretty much anything else is still in play. Too often I think we listen to others around us who don’t really know us and let them guide our lives. Goals should be high, not easily attainable and no one should ever dictate them to you.

Pick a profession because it is your passion and never because of the salary. We can all think of people we know who truly love their jobs. They live, breath and eat what they do and we all love to be around them. If you are passionate about what you do the benefits of that passion will come to you. It may or may not be money but it will bring happiness and that is more important than money.

Nothing is ever as bad as it might seem. My greatest lessons have come from my lowest points. Learn from what happened, resolve to correct any mistakes, dust yourself off and move on. I am absolutely convinced that my greatest achievements have come as a direct result from my worst failures. No matter how dark things may look it will get better, which is the beauty of life.

Enjoy each phase of your life and never spend your life looking ahead or behind. Many people tell you that high school is the best time of your life. I have to admit it was pretty good but college was good, being a single adult in the working world was good, having a young family was pretty awesome. Each part of your life is good, enjoy the here and now and don’t wish your life away.

Never miss a chance to spend time with the people who are important to you. Nothing is guaranteed and the relationships we have with friends and family are the most important things we can have. I would rather be a poor man with many friends and a close family than a rich man all alone. Your goals and ambitions are important but don’t let them overshadow your relationships.

Never pass up a chance to stop, take a moment and relax. Enjoy the little things in life. Work hard, be driven but every once in a while allow yourself to slow down. Life goes by at such a rush that we all need time to take a moment when we have a chance and sit in silence and listen to the world around us. Personally, I don’t think there is anything better than a cup of coffee before the rest of the world starts moving each morning.

Finally, the best advice I ever got was to have fun. Dana Belshe was my mentor agent when I started in Extension and he gave me this advice about being an agent and I think it applies to life pretty well.  The people around you will have as much fun as you let yourself have. It worked at the most stressful times when I was an agent, camp and fair, and it works in life too. Often those around us mirror our attitude.

OK, so I know you didn’t ask for my dream commencement address but you got it anyway. I just think it is good for all of us, no matter what phase of life we are in, to take a moment and think about life. In a way we are all graduating from something each year.